chapter 04:

vs. 1: “What if they don’t believe me…” EQ.

“Oh, Moses, for Christ’s sake, why would anyone doubt you. Come on now, I and the Lord, I will teach you how to impress the multitudes and of course we don’t want the Pharaoh to believe you. We want him to think you are an arrogant asshole. We want to piss him off so we can terrorize Egypt.”

So that Moses can make his claim that he's God's humble servant, the Lord teaches Moses a few magic tricks. A bit of sorcery. The old stick into a snake trick and back again. The old hide a white glove in the shirt trick and the pour water on dry red sand trick.

But Moses didn’t figure he was up for all the talking that the job required and didn’t stop arguing with the Lord till the Lord was angry and finally offered Moses the help of his brother Aaron, who had studied public relations and stage performance. And most important to the project: Moses likely spoke little Hebrew, having spent much of his life in the palace. Aaron could speak Hebrew because he was a Hebrew.

So Moses said good-bye to his father-in-law, Jethro. And Jethro said, vs. 18: “Go in peace.” EQ.

God said, “Get back to Egypt, those wanting you dead are now dead. Go charge up the Hebrews with the sorcery I taught you.”

Vs. 22: Then you shall say to Pharaoh, ‘thus says the Lord: Israel is My first-born son. 23. I have said to you, “Let my son go, that he may worship Me,” yet you refuse to let him go. Now I will slay your first-born son.’ ” EQ.

So Moses sat his wife and sons on an ass and with his magic snake and disco glove, went back to Egypt.

But the Lord was pissed with Moses and tried to kill him that night. So catch this, Zipporah took a flint stone and cut off her son’s foreskin, touches his legs, scrotum. The penis of Moses. Not likely the penis of the Lord. And proclaims, “You are my blood bridegroom. So the Lord shakes his head and goes away. And she says, vs. 26: “A bridegroom of Blood because of the circumcision.” EQ.

I think what that means is, don’t drink Newfy Screech in the hot sun and if you don’t want the Lord to kill your husband, slice off your sons foreskin with a flint stone and ritualistically splash blood around.

Aaron and Moses kissed in the wilderness. Moses told him the plan. They told the elders. They all did their show for the 3 or 6 million Israelites. And all the Israelites bowed to Moses.

Vs. 31: and the people were convinced. When they heard that the Lord had taken note of the Israelites and that He had seen their plight, they bowed low in homage. EQ.


chapter 05

So Moses and Aaron popped in on the Pharaoh, “Our God, the Lord, says, let my people go slaughter goats in the wilderness a few days.”

“Fuck that. You think you’re in a fuckin’ resort or what. You’re fuckin’ slaves.”

Vs. 2: “Who is the Lord that I should heed Him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord, nor will I let Israel go.” EQ.

“We gotta make sacrifices or he will attack with pestilence or sword.”

“Moses, Aaron, get back to making bricks. The Israelites are our work force. They out number us. Who the fuck will build and run our cities if you are all out chopping off each other’s foreskins and cutting up goats.”

The Pharaoh was so pissed at their outrageous requests that he told the taskmasters and foremen that the fuckin’ lazy Hebrews can gather their own straw for bricks.

Get the shirkers to work so they ain’t got time for stupid God stories and fantasies about freedom.

Finding straw enough fast enough was craziness.

A day runs into the next eventually and you still ain’t got all the goddamn bricks baked.

So there were many beatings.

General unrest.

Things were worse and everyone was crying and complaining.

The foremen were super pissed at Moses and Aaron. Their demands on the Pharaoh had backfired and made their slavery worse. So Moses went and complained to the War Lord.

Vs. 22: Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “O Lord, why did You bring harm upon this people? Why did you send me? 23. Ever since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has dealt worse with this people; and still You have not delivered Your people.” EQ.

We could take this to the present and ask the same question. Why are we still slaves, most everyone in very horrible conditions to the point of starvation and filthy drinking water.

War will not save us, however. The end of wars with their hate religions and the end of waiting for salvation might.


chapter 06

vs. 1: Then the Lord said to Moses, “You shall soon see what I will do to Pharaoh: he shall let them go because of a greater might; indeed, because of a greater might he shall drive them from his land.” EQ.

The Lord God is our unchecked ego. It is our, so often hateful, megalomania. It is the newborn god awakening in a too long enslaved and beaten beast.

“Hey, Moses. We’ll show the fuckin’ Pharaoh. I’m Meme, the God of your direct ancestors. I’ll take you to be my people, we’ll breed you 40 years and start fighting for the promise land. I will make you into a mighty army.”

Moses and Aaron tried to raise the hopes of the Israelites but the Israelites did not buy it. They were too beat from too much slaving.

Vs. 9: But when Moses told this to the Israelites, they would not listen to Moses, their spirits crushed by cruel bondage. EQ.

The Lord told Moses, “Go tell the Pharaoh to let you depart.”

“I can’t talk very well. Let’s get Aaron to do it.”

So the Lord talked to Aaron and Moses. Explaining yet again that they were not to give up, the horror trip was yet to begin.

The original mentions the names of the important to the Hebrew, Hebrews for Hebrew freedom movement. Our famous incest family.

Vs. 20: Amram took to wife his father’s sister Jochebed, and she bore him Aaron and Moses; EQ.

This of course contradicts your narrator’s notion that Moses was the son-grandson of the previous Pharaoh. But he, your narrator, does not recant. He can’t. There are all too often contradicting information’s. And in the end, one can make it mean what one chooses. For it is but a story. It is not history. And written history is also laced with fiction. But we digress.

Moses reminds us once again of his shitty speech. Complaining again to his Lord.

Vs. 30: Moses appealed to the Lord, saying, “See, I am of impeded speech, how then should Pharaoh heed me!” EQ.


chapters 07 - 09