chapter 07:

Okay kids, Horror trip time. A true test for true believers. For the bloody horror story is truly unbelievable.

Vs. 1: the Lord replied to Moses, “See, I place you in the role of God to Pharaoh, EQ.

Vs. 2: You shall repeat all that I command you, EQ.

Aaron has to do the talking. The Lord tells them that the Pharaoh won’t listen and that’s how the Lord wants it for he is itching for a blood bath.

Vs. 4: When Pharaoh does not heed you, I will lay My hand upon Egypt and deliver My rank, My people the Israelites, from the land of Egypt with extraordinary chastisements. EQ.

They went to the Pharaoh again and did tricks with their rods; and the snakes ate the snakes of the Pharaoh’s magician’s snakes but still he was not impressed.

I think it is too early to suggest an underlying pornographic nature to the Torah so we’ll skip to the next morning. Moses and Aaron drop in on the Pharaoh as he is going to the river.

Vs. 20: he lifted up the rod and struck the water in the Nile in the sight of Pharaoh and his courtiers, and all the water in the Nile was turned into blood. 21. And all the fish died. EQ.

That’s nice.

Still vs. 21: … blood throughout the land of Egypt. 22. But when the Egyptian magicians did the same with their spells… EQ.

Hold on. How does that work. Everything is blood so what is left to turn into blood in this holy horror story.

The Pharaoh wasn’t impressed. So a week later, Moses and Aaron went back to the Pharaoh.

Vs. 27: If you refuse to let them go, then I will plague your whole country with frogs. EQ.


chapter 08

So the Lord, Moses, Aaron made a frog invasion. Up out of the Nile. Maybe frogs like blood and dead fish. The Pharaoh’s Magicians called up more frogs so that the place was full of frogs.

But the Pharaoh decided on protocol and told Moses to call off the frogs.

So they all died and were piled in big piles to fester and stink in the blasting sun.

Vs. 10: And they piled them up in heaps, till the land stank. EQ.

Maggot feasting. Becoming flies. Flying over to the frogs that were permitted by the Lord to keep living in the bloody Nile. The frogs had a feast of flies with blood soup.

And everyone waited with great anticipation for the next summoning of hateful sorcery from Moses and Aaron and their Lord God Almighty.

The Pharaoh decided against protocol after taking advice from his advisors who were by this time all agents of the War Lord of the Israelite army.

Lice were the next event. From Moses and Aaron and the Lord but this time the Pharaoh’s magicians fucked that one up and were left pounding sand.

Vs. 14: The magicians did the like with their spells to produce lice, but they could not. EQ.

Regardless, the Pharaoh said, “Fuck you, Mossass.”

So Moses does the full vermin insect attack. Devastating Egypt.

Vs. 20: Throughout the country of Egypt the land was ruined because of the swarms of insects. EQ.

The Pharaoh tells Moses to go do his holy sacrifices if he must but he must do them in Egypt.

Vs. 22: “It would not be right to do this, for what we sacrifice to the Lord our God is untouchable to the Egyptians … will they not stone us!” EQ.

And then, once again, like it was written to be, the Pharaoh once again says, “Moses, go fuck your self. Then get back to making bricks.”


chapter 09

vs. 6: … all the livestock of the Egyptians died but of the livestock of the Israelites, not a beast died. EQ.

Anyone keeping track on the amount of destruction in a land flowing with blood and money.

So 430 years of slavery and the Israelites still owned their own, protected from pestilence and hail, livestock and their own slaves. The Egyptians didn’t actually really own the Hebrews and all they had, or what. None of the math works here.

Sill Pharaoh’s War advisors told him to hold his position.

Next attack. Boils. Man and Beast. Though the beasts had already died at least once already.

Vs. 10: so they took soot of the kiln and appeared before Pharaoh; Moses threw it toward the sky, and it caused an inflammation breaking out in boils on man and best. EQ.

Still the Pharaoh said, “Mossass, eat shit. And bake bricks.”

So the Lord tells Moses to say, “Look Fuck. We could have blown you off the map. We wanted to terrorize, torture and murder you so we can be famous. World Wide famous. Holy murdering genocide incest freaks.”

So the same procedure as always and the Hail. Thunder and Lightening. More dead already two or three times dead animals and slaves, what slaves, God’s people.

Vs. 21: but those who paid no regard to the word of the Lord left their slaves and livestock in the open. EQ.

Well, fuck, the livestock was already dead and what slaves are not of the 3 or 6 million Israelites. In Egypt. For this horror story not at all based on history or physical reality.

Yet people continued to believe it to be the holy work of God. Because people are ignorant and illiterate.

Another disaster destroying everything yet again. Sounds like an early play station game.

“Kill ‘em all. Over and over again.”

So Pharaoh tells Moses to call off the hail, go to the wilderness.

Vs. 27: “I stand guilty this time. The Lord is right and I am and my people are in the wrong.” EQ.

Let that be a lesson, those with the most vile terror methods are in the right. Murder might is right.

And still, religious organizations are permitted to build houses of worship and collect money from the frightened illiterate peasants. And remain tax-free whores of the warlords.

Moses backs up and goes. Then once again the Pharaoh says no.


chapters 10 - 12