chapter 16

Sarai still didn’t make any sons so she told Abram, or so they would have us believe, to sex up her slave. Abram took Hagar, the Egyptian, now where did they come from, these Egyptians, as his concubine.

And when she got pregnant, Saria was not pleased. Vs. 5: “The wrong done me is your fault!” EQ.

Well, do with her what you please, Ab told her. So Sarai treated her like shit to remind the Egyptian woman that she was a low life slave.

So Hagar ran away and an angel of the Lord asked vs. 8: “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” EQ.

The angel sent Hagar back to be a good slave and accept her lot. The angel told her she’d have a hoard of offspring.

Ishmael shall be his name.

Vs. 12: He shall be a wild ass of a man;
His hand against everyone,
And everyone’s hand against him; EQ.

So Hagar had a son for Ab.


chapter 17

Almighty God made a covenant with Ab. Vs. 4: … You shall be the father of a multitude of nations. EQ.

An ‘aha’ was stuck in Abram’s name. Abraham. Means father of a multitude. Nations and kings. Holy sperm cult. The Lord gave Ab the land of Canaan.

And this is the deal. Vs. 10: … every male among you shall be circumcised. EQ.

Vs. 12: … at the age of 8 days. EQ.

This includes slaves no matter where they come from. Anyone not circumcised will be - vs. 14: … cut off from his kin; EQ.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but that means killed.

And change Sarai’s name to Sarah, which means princess. Vs. 16: I will give you a son by her. EQ.

Ab laughed, he could not believe it, him thinking he was a hundred and Sarah ninety.

Obviously she wasn’t. For fuck sake.

His name was to be Isaac. Laugh.

God blessed Ishmael and made him father of twelve chieftains.

So Ab cut the foreskin off every male. Ishmael was thirteen, Ab, 99, and the slaves, all ages.


chapter 18

One hot day, Ab looked out of his tent and saw three war Lords. He asked them to stay for a visit and a fine meal was prepared, baked bread and a calf. Some cheese. They sat under a tree and ate.

They asked where Sarah was and told her she would have a son. She laughed. Vs. 15: Sarah lied, saying, “I did not laugh,” … “You did laugh.” EQ.

A fly sat on a piece of meat. A dog barked.

“We have not come only to make Sarah have a son, we are also going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Those uncircumcised sinners.”

The men went down to Sodom and Ab had a chat with the Lord.

Ab wondered if the genocide could be avoided if there were fifty nice people.

"Then I won't destroy the city for the sake of the 50."

"How about 45."

"Okay."

"40."

"Okay."

"35."

"Sure."

"30."

"Yup."

"25."

"Ya Ya."

"20."

"Um."

"15."

"Ah."

"10."

"Okay. We'll settle at 10."

"It's a deal."

But Ab was bullshitting, he wanted Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed so he’d have more grazing land.

chapters 19 - 21