chapter 40

The King, Pharaoh, was pissed off at his cupbearer and baker one day and tossed them in jail. The same jail where Joseph was in charge.

One of the things one needs to get used to when reading the Torah is that everything, most everything, is said three times in slightly different ways. It was the writing style of the time. True, it makes a book bigger and more intimidating but that was not likely the purpose. The purpose was most likely clarity. To drive home a point.

So we’ll say it again. One of the things. Just kidding.

The cupbearer and the baker had dreams one night. And Joseph told him God could interpret dreams.

The cupbearer had 3 vines, or branches thereof, they blossomed, he squeezed the grapes into the cup of the Pharaoh and he drank. And was pleased enough not to toss him back into jail.

“Well now, then. That’s cool. In three days you get your job back. Mention me to the Pharaoh. I ain’t really supposed to be a slave or in jail.”

Like all slaves and most persons in jail. Especially the victims of the evil war on drugs. In case anyone forgot to wonder why incarceration is such a thriving business. But let us return to the story.

The baker liked the cupbearer’s dream meaning, so he told Joseph his dream about three bread baskets on his head with birds eating out of the top one.

Vs. 19: In three day Pharaoh will lift off your head and impale you upon a pole; and the birds will pick off your flesh.” EQ.

And so it was. Some win. Some lose. Most serve the rich. Murdering mad men.


chapter 41

Let us say something nice about the Torah before mocking the life of Joseph.

At the time of the Torah almost everyone was illiterate. There was no TV or radio. No printed books. And reality was brutal slavery to tyrannical mad men who gave themselves grand titles such as Lords, Kings, Priests.

And these stories, though quite impossible, tell of the nature of the beast. Ignorant. Gully bulls.

So the stories have to be simple and exaggerated. Like a child’s fairy tale. For them to be at all understood. The bible is not for children, too much rape, incest, genocide and all the other vile shit we are slowly and painfully purging from our system.

On our road to enlightenment.

So if you think the Torah is too simple, thank your teachers.

Any whore. After two years, the Pharaoh dreams about 7 strong cows coming out of the Nile and behind them come 7 ugly skinny cows that eat the first cows.

Then the same math with corn.

And the cupbearer remembers the Hebrew youth in jail.

Vs. 14: He had his hair cut and changed his clothes, and he appeared before Pharaoh. EQ.

Joseph told him God would figure out his dreams.

So we are told them again. Twice more. No one could figure.

“Seven years of plenty. Seven years of famine.”

Now this is a grand opportunity to rob everyone down to his g-strings. Just watch and learn.

Vs. 39: So Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is none so discerning and wise as you. EQ.

Let me interrupt just to point out that it is very probable that this story was written by Hebrew priests. Also possible is that it was put together in Babylon, the grand state of Nimrod. As propaganda against Egypt.

Vs. 41: “See, I put you in charge of all the land of Egypt.” EQ.

And vs. 45: he gave him a wife Asenath daughter of Poti-phera, priest of On. EQ.

Not bad considering he was a slave and two years in jail.

Joseph filled the cities with grain. So much that it could not be measured.

Before the famine came, Joseph had two sons. Manasseh and Ephraim. Loosely translated to: Eat this sucker.

The people cried out to the Pharaoh. And he said, “Don’t ask me. Do what Joseph tells you.”

Now watch what our Hebrew boy does. He rations out grain for Egypt but the whole world is in famine.

The whole world, of course, does not include the Americas. Or Europe. Or China. Or Australia. At the time, these places were not in the world.


chapter 42

Jacob bitched at his sons and told them to get their asses on their asses and buy some rations in Egypt.

Jacob didn’t send Benjie ‘cause he loved him ‘cause he came from Rachel, the only one of the four women he liked.

Joseph was the vizier. The ration boss. Dictator. So the ten brothers had to bow to him. With their faces on the ground. Joseph recognized them but they didn’t recognize him.

Vs. 9: “You are spices…” EQ.

Vs. 11: … we are honest men…” EQ.

They told their story. And Joseph repeated a few times. “You are spies.”

Joseph tied up Simeon after they had all spent 3 days in a dungeon. And let the others go back to get Benjie. Or die.

They all got rations and their money returned to their bags. And they thought God was fucking with them when they found the moneybags. Punishment for selling Joseph out of the death pit into slavery.

Jacob flipped when he heard the story.

Vs. 36: … “It is always me that you bereave: Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you would take away Benjamen. These things always happen to me!” EQ.

Always. Except for never before when he was taking plunder and slaves from a slaughtered city or, well, whatever. It is just a story.

Vs. 37: Then Reuben said to his father, “You may kill my two sons if I do not bring him back to you.” EQ.

Now that makes sense doesn’t it.

Jacob wines a little more like a little bitch.


chapters 43 - 45